i wish i don't have a heart

If I said I was hurting, I thought it'd really hurt
If I said I was sad, I thought I'd start to cry
just laugh, just laugh, just laugh 
But people keep asking why i'm crying
I cry then laugh then cry again
Why am I like this? 
I live not being able to tell if beer is beer or if it's food
Living through this degree of pain
Absent mindedly on paper, without even knowing I write your name all day long
I don't let go of the pen until the whole page is black
I miss you, and i pick up the phone to call but then i stop

Tears find me again of thinking you

I don't have a heart 
I don't have a heart 
Therefore, I cannot feel any pain
I walk by myself talking to myself everyday 
but still tears always seem to flowing down